Is adoption right for me?
Whether you are the parent considering adoption or the mother who is wondering if giving up her child is a good decision, it is important to ask the right questions and get good information before you make what could be one of the most important decisions of your life.
Adoptive parents will need to evaluate their motives. Do you have a strong desire to give a child a family? Can you accept a child with all of their faults and failings? Do you have the desire to share your family, faith, finances and love with another person? And one of the most important questions- do you have the ability to provide for the child?
Other issues which should also be addressed are reasons that you should NOT adopt a child. Some motivations to adopt a child may not be good. For instance, it is not usual for some foster families to feel guilty that a child they have fostered is being moved to a new family and they may consider foster adoption to protect that child. Unfortunately, this may not be the best motivation to adopt.
Some families also feel pressure from their family members or friends to start a family, but if the timing is not right for you, it is not right. This pressure can be intensified if the couple has had years of infertility issues. Pressure can come from your spouse, parents, or siblings. The pressure can also mount if a couple has lost a child and the couple considers adoption as a replacement for their lost child; unfortunately, adoptive parents may eventually resent the adopted child and feel unfulfilled as parents.
Parents also consider adoption as a means to save a failing marriage. Consider, however, children can add additional stress to a relationship and just like pregnancy seldom strengthens a marriage, an adoption most likely will not either. Yes, adoption may distract a couple from core issues, but that distraction will only last for a short while.
Before considering adoption, talk to experts and find out whether or not adoption is truly right for you.
Birth mothers may also consider adoption for a variety of reasons. Maybe they want their child to have the life they do not feel they can provide. Maybe they feel pressure from their parents, a social worker or another agency. Some birth mothers have limited resources and do not feel like they can support their child. Other birth mothers have been the victim of rape or incest or they are on drugs.
But before considering giving up your baby, make sure you evaluate your motives and understand adoption can be a painful experience for you. Adoption laws vary by state so you may want to consult with a lawyer and make sure adoption is right for you. Talk to an adoption agency. Find other mothers who have made the decision to give their babies up and find out the pros and cons of each choice. If you do decide to place your baby for adoption it is important to realize it is the ultimate sacrifice that may allow your child to have a healthy and productive life with a loving family.
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